If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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