I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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