Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
