my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
