shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
