I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
