matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Alive.
So much puke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
