help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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