she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
