were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
