At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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