is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
