3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
