remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
