every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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