My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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