It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
