I forgot how hot balto sounded
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize