if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am available for nakedness
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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