I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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