So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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