Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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