Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
