I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
