So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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