i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
