Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
