Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
