my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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