Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
