Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
