Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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