upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
