i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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