Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
