I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's the barista slut.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
