I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
