I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
