i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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