my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize