guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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