i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize