Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
