Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
