We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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