i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
