just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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