I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
