boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize