I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
