I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
