Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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