what if every blade of grass was a penis?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
