you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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