Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
