OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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