I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize