i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
