I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
