Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
