look no pants
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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