hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize