thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
