ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
