Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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