No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
