in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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