it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
