Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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