The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
