I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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