And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
