Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just tell him i said nine months
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize