sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
