i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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