It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just invented taco cereal.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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