good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
