hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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