the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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