The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize