so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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