I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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