It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
