I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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