i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
