I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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