I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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