So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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