is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Acid is not a monday night drug
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
