somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
