dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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