Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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