if you like me you must not know who I am
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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