i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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