I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
