i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
