She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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