please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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