Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
