no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When are your genitals available?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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