she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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