just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize