just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
