The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
