Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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