peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
