my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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