Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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