i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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