can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
